Where Is Dream...

Hi, we meet again! (after soooo long haha). So today's topic is DREAM 💭.
And so, what is dream? To be exact, what is YOUR dream?
For some people they have what they dreams of. What they want to be, what they want to do.
Everyone CAN dream, but not everyone HAVE a dream.
Well actually this dream topic that I want to bring up is more to the DREAM JOB. What is your dream job? But in time probably I will jump into any kind of dreams tho. Hehe.
Also the reason why this topic suddenly came out because of me. My dream. (kinda a sudden thought actually since I just got a job!)
If you ever asked me, what is my dream? I really can't answer straightly without thinking, or hesitate. Even if I give it a thought, I might cannot answer that. WHY?
Simple. I don't know what is my dream. I don't know what I want to do in my life. I don't know. End up I just pick up what I think I like or got the feel.
And if you ever asked me why I took this course, I don't know. I JUST........ take it. I just feel that this is good or interesting.
Remember when we were child, we were always being asked "What is your ambition?" "What do you want to be when you grow up?". Maybe most of us (or maybe just me), write the most popular and obvious one. Like doctor, pilot, teacher, police etc. That's including me. Even when I was in the high school, like in form 4/5, again with "what I want to be." And we need to decide for our mock interview.

Again, I don't know what I want to be. What I want to do. What I should be. What I am interested in.
Well of course I did have things that I like but you know. JUST like. And instead knowing what I want to do, I know well of what I DON'T want to do lol. For example I don't like physics so I don't want any related to physics. I don't want to be a doctor. Something like that.
Do you know what kind of job I took back then for the mock interview? GRAPHIC DESIGNER. Hahahaha I don't know why lol. Maybe that time I thought I have such 'talent', I am so 'creative' and good at 'editing', when the facts is that I'm kinda sucks at it. I don't know why of the sudden thought taking that. Or maybe because I thought I'm kinda an art person, a person who likes art (based from that personality test lol), maybe that's why.
I mean, look at how far the job path I took now. From art (?) to biomed/lab. (well not exactly from art since I'm not taking any art subject in school but just for that mock interview I mean)
But well yeah, I know there's LOT of people like me... They have different ambition at first but then end up the path they took was different. Even so in working. Not all people working in the same path they took when they study. Ah also, you know what... I almost thinking of taking the ACCOUNTING path, OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE MYSELF HAHAHAHA. I never took account subject during high school but suddenly wanna take accounting?? I don't even really like account tho, but hahaha I don't know.
That time, before SPM and even after SPM, I didn't know what path I should take. I don't have any dream of what I want to be.
And so, somehow I ended up taking Science path, particularly the healthcare. So here I am, taking the Medical Laboratory Technology (MLT) path.
My dream? No, that was never be my dream. Or to be honest I don't know this job existed. Kinda. Probably the reason I taking this because I kinda like science especially biology (its interesting to learn about human you know), also maybe because I like lab, the hands-on testing and so on.
So being a MLT is not really my dream but probably it is now. Somehow I feel like I want to work in the healthcare society, because I thought that will be interesting and you can help people. Like doctor and nurse. Or I don't know... Maybe for unknown reason.
Well, that's for the DREAM JOB.
If you ask me any other dreams, of course I DO! I do know what I want and what I want to do now. Plus, in my situation where now I am a kpop fan I would say, so there's kinda lots of things I want to 😂. Buying the merchandise, the concert or fanmeeting ticket, the albums, the participate in fan donation, cupsleeve event, and some other things.
And also some other things that I want to do the MOST, other than kpop things, is to TRAVEL! Specifically overseas travel, and also specifically, countries like South Korea, Japan, Australia, China, and many more!
These all are basically what I'm thinking for MYSELF. It's nothing wrong for putting yourself first, right? 😊
That's why I need money bruh. And I need a job. To achieve these all. Unless I get married to a rich guy, hahahahaha!
Anyway, that's all I want to say I guess. I don't know what else to say, and plus I don't want to keep this entry so long.
Until we meet again, stay safe and healthy. Thank for your time and love~ 💕

💭 Dreaming is not wrong, so keep dreaming! Dreams all you can! 💭

Am I Introvert?

Source: nadia_bormotova / iStock / Getty Images
Assalamualaikum semua! Hai hai!
Hari ni tajuknya aku rasa boleh la agak menarik hehe. Hari tu tetiba benda ni muncul kat feed youtube aku so tertengok and datang la idea nak buat tajuk ni. Plus, aku baru je cakap haritu kat entri perkenalan sebelum ni nak post pasal introvert kan, so here it is! Tajuk introvert ni sebenarnya memang dah lama jugak aku nak buat tapi tertangguh, which first takde idea pastu,, em entah la hahahaha. Okay la aku tak nak cakap panjang so kita terus to the topic today, which is about => 10 Signs of Introvert. (credit to this yt link).
(psst prepare yourself coz this entri is kinda long hehe)
So basically from that source, introvert ada 10 signs, yang top I guess. Sebab I believe there's more than that (because I am kinda introvert so yeah). And they also said that, it is rare in the world to have a person with 100% introvert. So like from this signs, kita kira personaliti mana yang kita ada, and count it as percentage. Lebih kurang macam tu la. But sorry if I was mistaken. This kinda like to test our personality. Sebab kadang orang duk kata dia ni introvert padahal tak juga. I ada la baca this saying.
Actually walaupun orang tu kata dia introvert tapi sebenarnya dia juga boleh jadi extrovert. It just that he/she tu lebih dominant kepada introvert and percentage of being extrovert is just low. Well, I think that's true. So topik ni more likely aku nak cakap based on my personality la and my view, where I want to say that, I'm not totally introvert.
So here are the signs of introvert:

1. Tired from too much active time
Source: Anthony Shaw
Honestly... sometimes la. But sometimes I don't get tired but I love it instead. So for this point, 50-50 I guess. This point aku tak boleh nak cakap banyak sebab aku tak terasa relate sangat dengan diri aku huhu.
2. Enjoy time alone
Source: Healthline
Hmm, this too.. shall pass. Hahahaha tak macam introvert aku kan? Sabar sabar, baru dua tak habis lagi. Tapi yang ini, kadang tu boleh la aku prefer alone but I don't like to be alone sangat, sebab nanti rasa lonely. Even if duduk rumah, for me better ada orang kat rumah though aku duduk kat bilik je ke camtu. Tak bosan ke weh spend time sorang sorang?? Tapi tu la, ada orang suka kann so biar laa.. Masing-masing punya character.
Oh tapi kadang aku suka jugak spend time sorang2, macam pergi mall sorang boleh aje. Sebab kan, aku ni jenis suka jalannnnn aje ikut suka so aku takut la kalau pergi dengan kawan ke or sesiapa la kan, nanti dia uncomfortable aku duk jalan sana sini. Bosan ke apa ke kann. And aku ni kalau nak time alone biasanya bila aku marah or depressed or sad, something like that la. So, point ni pun 50-50 la hehe.
3. Constant inner monologue
Source: Liz Fosslien and Mollie West
OKAY THIS ONE I CAN RELATE 100%!
Serius, aku memang banyak bermonolog sendiri. Kadang kat otak aku ni berjuta cerita ada. Kadang cakap dengan diri sendiri, kadang bila tengok orang lain pun boleh monolog, kadang aku tengah menulis  ke cari apa-apa ke kat internet pun aku boleh duk monolog sendiri sambil-sambil tu hahahaha amazing kan 😂
Aku rasa duduk tak buat apa pun boleh tiba-tiba bermonolog sendiri. Introvert yang ada personaliti ni dia macam ada dunia sendiri tau dalam minda dia ni. Itu yang dia boleh duk bermonolog. Yang ada personaliti ni je tahu rasanya, boleh relate hehe.
Oh and one more thing. As in picture, that guy said that the girl is so quiet. You know, introvert ni tend to think lebihhh masa, fikir macam-macam sebelum nak cakap. "kalau aku cakap macam ni takpe ke?", "okay ke ke kalau aku tanya macam tu?", dia nampak friendly, tegur ke tak tegur ke tak..". Macam-macam la. Lepas tu kesudahannya tak cakap apa-apa 😂 Itu yang terjadinya pendiam hahaha padahal duk overthinking kat otak tu. Kira introvert ni nak cakap akan fikir dulu la. Thoughtful pun boleh dikatakan macam tu la hehe. But sometimes tak jugak kan hahaha.
Same like me, tapi kalau orang yang close dengan aku or someone yang aku comfortable kadang aku pun main sembur hahahaha. But still, for this point, 100% relate! :p
4. You write

Alright, this point pun aku agree! Dari dulu aku suka juga la bab writing ni (tapi karangan time sekolah tak termasuk la please 😂). Aku enjoy writing benda yang aku suka or yang aku rasa aku nak luahkan. And to be honest, aku dulu adalah seorang diari girl hehe. Since sekolah rendah sampai menengah aku tulis diari. Masuk asasi mula la malas hahahaha.
Haa tapi one of the important point here! Writing is kinda the reason of how this blog was established 😊 Dulu aku suka writing cuma sekarang kadang makin malas kan hahaha plus sebab kadang takde idea nak writing huhu. Writing is kinda like the way aku luahkan perasaan. At times bila aku rasa macam marah dengan diri sendiri, I would write something on my phone/laptop. My feeling that time.
So, yang ni aku boleh relate about 80-90% la kott.
5. Observer
Okay! Yang ini pun memang aku laaa. Aku tak tahu kenapa tapi aku suka observe orang. Sorry to anyone yang kena observe dengan aku huhu. I have this kind of habits. Contoh la kan, sometimes bila aku duk berdiri dalam train ke apa kan, aku suka tengok orang. Pastu mula la aku bermonolog dalam hati hahaha. Aku ni agak observant dengan orang. Kadang aku duk berdiri tunggu bas ke, tunggu train ke, aku tengok someone, tengok cara dressing dia, make up, personaliti dia. But of course everytime aku tengok, I'm trying not to be prejudice 😊 Sangka baik la gituu. Pastu kadang dengan benda ke bangunan pun aku suka duk observe hahahaha. Duk tengok iklan ke apa ke, kan.. Oh tapi kan, I don't know why but sometimes aku suka duk tengok, baca notis kat board 😂 Yelaa takde buat apa duk baca notis la hahaha.
Observer? Yes!
6. Feel alone in a crowd
Source: introvertdoodles
This too! I can relate this very well. You know, aku kadang suka benda social event ni tapi masalahnya! Aku ni kalau event yang stranger aku tak reti bergaul. Pastu haa duduk la kau sorang-sorang. Tapi tu la, kadang kalau pergi kawan yang kau kenal but not really close, sama je. Why?
Sebab pendiam. Aku ni memang pendiam, so kadang aku tak tahu nak borak apa. Nak borak pasal ni ke, pasal tu ke, duk fikir sampai apa pun tak terucap. Nak approach stranger tak tahu, malu pun ye. Yela tegur tegur pastu?? Hai hai bye bye. Hmmm....
So yeah, I always feel alone in crowd. Bayangkan la orang lain duk borak, engkau taktahu nak cakap apa duk diam jee. Awkward sorang sorang. Kadang tu orang ajak borak, okay je. Pastu datang join nak borak pasal apa eh? hahaha aku takde topik. Unless like we have same interest. For example, interest aku on kpop and so jumpa this new friend aku kenal kat Twitter. Maybe jumpa tu boleh la berkenalan and fangirl hehehe.
But still, sometimes bagi aku, kena ada orang approach aku dulu sebab aku tak retiii 😭 Oh ya pastu maybe sebab age gap plus contoh dia dah bekerja and aku still study like what to relate?? Aku rasa macam ada barrier gitu :'))
Well, tak semua orang faham kan. Anyway here I just include another cartoon. hehehe

But anyway, this one also agreed!
7. Dislike small talk
I'm not sure what means by small talk. Tapi kalau ikut youtube tu, macam simple greeting, or benda surface gitu. Bukan deep conversation. Well, kalau aku... Tak kisah kot asal benda yang aku minat ke or personal ke friends to friends. Jangan benda business ke apa sudah la itu memang aku tak minat ah cerita dia 😂
To me, guess I'm fine with anything. Tapi tu la kadangnya aku more like listening than talking huhu. tengok mood la.
8. Avoid social events
Hmm, avoiding maybe tak sangat la.. Aku takde la kata nak avoid, aku suka juga la pergi sebab aku teringin nak make friends. TAPI TULA! Macam aku cakap, aku tak reti sobsob. Nanti aku pergi duk hujung penjuru jugak sorang sorang. Aku ni jenis NAK PERGI social events, tapi TAKUT nak socialize + IDK how to approach people.
So macam on verge nak tak nak la gitu. 50-50 la kan kalau macam ni :p
9. Others think you are shy/lonely
I think so... Shy, YES I AM. Lonely, HALF-HALF. Hahahaha lonely ni aku tak tahu macam mana nak describe. Pemalu yes aku mengaku. But at times aku lagi berani dari orang lain, in terms yang lain la hahaha. I mean like, not the talking one, more like on action maybe?? Hm entah la hihi.
Tapi mungkin ada betulnya. Because I am a shy person, quiet, people don't really approach me. Some even scared or intimidate maybe... That's kinda a fact, because one of my friend (guy) told me that he was kinda scared to approach/talk to me at first, before we become a friend that can talk lol. Btw, he's my practical mate so we got to talk.
Anyway, I'm not a scary person okay. If we got that 'click', I believe we'll get along well :)
10. Small friend group
Em firstly, this pic kinda me but not really me la hahaha.
Well.... boleh la, kott? Aku ni kan, jenis tak berapa contact sangat dengan orang. Sebab aku tak tahu nak cakap apaa envious tau dengan orang lain yang boleh cakap apa jeee ada aje idea nak borakkk share macam-macam 😭 Pelik kan aku ni tapi tu la aku huhuhu. So yeah by that said, aku ni tak ramai kawan rapat. Ada tu memang la, tapi tak la selalu chat ke apa ke. Also friend yang boleh cerita masalah, I'm envious of that :')
Maybe sebab aku ni pun bukan jenis yang senang open up kat orang. Aku bukan jenis orang yang suka buka cerita, why?? Maybe sebab aku OVERTHINKING! Haa satu lagi personaliti introvert. Hehe. But yeah. Sebab aku kadang selalu fikir apa orang akan fikir or cakap pasal aku, boleh ke tak kalau aku cerita. People's judges. I know bila kata macam close friend ke apa ke, you kinda should trust her/him la kan.. (tho sometimes your own friend/close one can't be trusted too) The thing is, dengan friends or family pun sama, dengan stranger lagi la aku duk fikir apa orang akan fikir.
I think, I never open up to anyone. I bottled up most of everything :))
And that's also kinda the reason why aku blogging. Apa yang aku rasa nak cakap aku luahkan aje kat sini. Tapi tu dulu la kan. Oh and to be honest la kan.. As you know, aku ni minat korea kan. So ada laa fan account yang aku buat, and from that, I make some friends. To me, sometimes in that world, aku boleh express semua benda. People may judge me, but idk in that world aku macam lantak kau la. People don't know the real you in real life. Gituu.. Haa cakap pasal ni, aku ada idea dah topik untuk next entri. Eh tiba ek hahahaha.
Fuhh, I think maybe I'm exposing myself too much here. Guys, keep my secret okay hihi :p
Okay guys, that's all from me. Sorry agak panjang meleret huhu. So, from this all aku boleh conclude introvert aku about 60-70% maybe?? So another half tu extrovert, yeah boleh dikatakan begitu laa walaupun nampak tak sebegitu hahaha.
Haa jadi korang dah baca ni, agak-agak introvert personaliti korang berapa percent? Boleh la komen bawah korang punya score tu hihi. Score tu macam fun fun aje la, don't take it serious sebab aku ni bukan pakar. Atau nak share yourself as introvert pun boleh aje 😄
Alright, thanks for reading. See you guys next time!

Avoidant Personality Disorder (APD)

Hai gais! So today I would like to share with you guys about this one kind of personality. Some people may heard about this, even has this personality, or maybe some people never heard of this thing. And don't even know what this all. Oh before that, I'm not a psychologist but just human. Lol.  So, maybe some of these are based on my opinion and also other references.
Let me tell you a little bit about Avoidant Personality Disorder (APD).
Adakalanya, kita sendiri tak sedar kita ada personaliti lain daripada yang lain. Baiklah, jadi apa itu APD?
Apa itu APD?
APD ialah Avoidant Personality Disorder di mana seseorang mempunyai personaliti untuk mengelakkan dirinya dalam sesuatu situasi. Ringkasnya, lebih kurang begitulah. Selalunya, ia lebih kepada perasaan malu yang ada dalam diri dan juga keyakinan diri yang rendah menyebabkan seseorang itu ingin mengelakkan dirinya dalam situasi tertentu seperti dalam bersosial.
Tak ramai ada personaliti begini, dan selalunya mereka yang mempunyai 'extremely shyness' ataupun 'fear of rejection' boleh memiliki personaliti APD ini.
Definition of APD (PsychologyToday)

Avoidant personality disorder is a psychiatric condition characterized by a lifelong pattern of extreme social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, and sensitivity to rejection. People with avoidant personality disorder may avoid work activities or decline job offers because of fears of criticism or disappointment from others. They may be inhibited in social situations as a result of low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy. Additionally, they may be preoccupied with their own shortcomings and form relationships with others only if they think they will not be rejected. Loss and rejection are so painful to these individuals that they will choose loneliness rather than risk trying to connect with others.

What are the symptoms?

• Easily hurt by criticism or disapproval
• No close friends
• Reluctance to become involved with people
• Avoidance of activities or occupations that involve contact with others
• Shyness in social situations out of fear of doing something wrong
• Exaggeration of potential difficulties
• Showing excessive restraint in intimate relationships
• Feeling socially inept, inferior, or unappealing to other people
• Unwilling to take risks or try new things because they may prove embarrassing

Haa, mengaku sikit siapa ada simptom macam ni?? 
🙋
Hahaha yes I admit I have some of these symptoms. Well, that's one of the reason I'm writing on this topic today. But not all of that. And yeah, I'm not in that kind of extremely severe personality. Of course even the personality have few types of severity. Normal, mild, moderate, severe, and extremely severe.
I guess I'm mild or moderate. For sure, not extreme. Sebab I still berminat untuk involved kan diri I in activities, spit out things I want to say (sometimes la), involved myself with friends, cuma terkadang tu biasalah malunya mengatasi segala. Hihi.

Treatments

Jadi, bolehkah APD ini dirawat? Jawapannya, mungkin boleh sekiranya anda sendiri ada usaha untuk bantu diri anda supaya dapat keluar daripada kepompong yang anda duduk selama ini. Antara rawatan yang boleh anda dapatkan adalah mengambil ubat antidepressant untuk mengurangkan rasa sensitif terhadap sesuatu penolakan. Fear of rejection. 

BUT! Make sure bukan sembarangan ubat! Seeloknya dapatkan ubat daripada ahli psychologist yang bertauliah, supaya tak adalah anda tersalah makan ubat atau terlebih dos pengambilan ubat tu ye!

Anda juga boleh mendapatkan khidmat psychotherapy untuk membantu anda. A combination of medication and talk therapy may be more effective than either treatment alone.

People with this disorder may have some ability to relate to others, and this can be improved with treatment. Without treatment,  those with avoidant personality disorder may become resigned to a life of near or total isolation. They may go on to develop a second psychiatric disorder such as substance abuse or a mood disorder such as depression. It is important to get help from a health-care provider or a psychiatrist if shyness or fear of rejection overwhelm one's ability to function in life and form relationships. (PsychologyToday)

Haa, kalau rasa anda ni macam berada dalam golongan yang severe atau extremely severe, ada baiknya anda cepat-cepat dapatkan rawatan, okay? Sebab mungkin personaliti ini akan menyukarkan kehidupan anda di masa akan datang, kerana kebanyakan kerjaya kita semua memerlukan kita untuk berhadapan dan berkomunikasi dengan orang lain.
Dan paling penting juga, sokongan daripada yang tersayang seperti ahli keluarga, suami atau isteri, sahabat dan masyarakat juga memainkan peranan yang penting tau! Semangat dan sokongan itu penting supaya mereka akan tidak terasa keseorangan dalam jalan perubahan mereka.



If you guys want to test if you have this APD, you can check it out on these few online tests (Just click in the link below).
Psymed
BarendsPsychology
IllnessQuiz

These are just a few. Well, there are many others online test that you can just googling them up and do it!
Oh and to those who have this APD (well that includes me), I hope you can quickly move on from this disorder and be more successful in the future. All the best to you!
Have a happy weekend! 🌸
*source: PsychologyToday